Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed...if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.
Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.
We will see that, all along, our happiness and our well-being have been in our hands.
My reflection today is on Language of Letting Go again. This reading really reaches me because there is a part of my life that I literally have been flailing around about for a long time, trying to get others to fix it and it's not just my recovery. It's something that I realize now I acted like quite a child about (as we do in our disease), and know that relying on another person to take care of it for me and then acting like I wanted to learn, but still relying on someone only made me more frustrated because I didn't know my own power with it. I would flail about when I would talk about it because I didn't own it. I just wanted someone else to stop the pain it was causing and WOW now that I realize this, I can just see how much better I will feel and my relationships will be. I know that I have to work through this, one step at a time, on my own and God will be there right with me.
It is sorta like my recovery. I needed to get to the point where I was ready. I needed to hit that bottom myself and be ready and willing to just take God's hand. I just wasn't strong enough, and I was only going more into my disease, ruining my relationship with all those people I was trying to get to rescue me. I needed to be around the people who got me so I could get better, and know that I'm just as worthy to be alive as those people I used to be friends with.
I'm really looking forward next week to going on a retreat with my treatment center. I need it right now. I woke up today feeling not great about my body image and it truthfully has me flailing about. Thankfully, I'm not in the food. I think when I feel like this now, the last place I want to go is the food. But I know, that I can only find that balance within myself by taking care of myself. I don't have to let how I feel about my body today, bleed into other parts of my life because it just is what it is and I am going through it physically and emotionally for a reason. It will pass and I can get through it, today.
The 17 Year Funk
9 years ago
Great reading and reflection, Meredith. Thank you. I attended a business conference this week and one of the things I came away with pertains to this concept of allowing others to define who I am and what makes me "OK" in the world. I had the privilege of hearing an awesome man speak on leadership -- relationships -- making a difference. We all want to be successful in life and leave our mark. What I realize more and more is that "mark" isn't about money or material things. While those are certainly nice, the most important mark we can leave is the difference we make in other people's lives. He spoke about being ourselves -- sincere and authentic. He told stories of how people's lives were changed dramatically by the actions of one single person reaching out and caring. I realized how much I hold back in my life because of fear. Fear of being ridiculed; fear of what others think. As I listened to this man's message, I vowed to no longer let others define who I am and determine what I do. If I am truly surrendering to God's will and walking the path he lays out for me, then I can trust that who I am and what I do and say are right on! Fear and insecurity send me scurrying back to self-destructive behaviors. Trusting God and stepping out blasts through that fear and insecurity and set me free. One day at a time, one step at a time, I become all that God intends for me to become.
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