I can hold onto fear that serves the purpose of keeping compulsion alive, or I can turn my life - one moment at a time - over to my Higher Power. Fear keeps me locked into self-will. The fears that clamp my being into compulsion fall by the wayside as I open my heart to God.
This Reflection is from, For Today, an Overeaters Anonymous reflection book. I think when we fear, we are always worrying about what is going to happen in the future based on our past. We think we can't handle it, because we've been too hurt or we don't want to let go of our compulsions. I also believe that when we live in fear, we are self-willed because we are fearful that God's will won't take care of us, that we have to hold on tight because the ride is too rough to handle without our compulsions. But if we're living in God's will, we don't have to fear because he is with us the whole way and he's with us on the way from self-will to His will.
Yesterday was Easter, a day to celebrate the gift that we have been given of God's forgiveness of our sins. What a gift that he invites us to always be on the path towards Him. He delights when we are doing His will, in loving ourselves and serving others but he's there when we are self-willed too, loving us - waiting for us to cross that bridge with him.
I know right now, I'm at a stressful time in my life, finishing up one of my last semesters of grad school and many fears arise and those fears often send me into my head (not a safe neighborhood) or send me into thinking about the food. I also feel the stress in my stomach and so I get self-conscious about that...but I just have to accept that is what happens when I'm stressed and this too will pass. I don't have to let that fear of not getting my work done, or gaining weight overwhelm my thoughts. I can just be, and try to live in the moment, and do what nurtures me.
The 17 Year Funk
8 years ago
