"Lighten up! Your Higher Self demands nothing of you. You do not have to prove yourself to God. You did not arrive now-here incomplete in any way. You do not have to strive to prove anything." - W. Dyer
Being thinner, smarter, prettier, wealthier do not make you more special. They do not make you more complete. You are complete in every way RIGHT now. I've learned in my recovery that this is incredibly true. Last night I was writing a blog to overweight kids and their parents reflecting on the premiere of the show "Huge" trying to share the same sentiment. You are not your weight...We often think we need to be certain way for our families to love us. For a long time, I thought I had to live my life exactly as they had planned for me. After being reminded of my overweight teen-dom in that show last night, I remembered how much I thought that my validity as a person depended on my weight. Losing weight was the way I strove for their approval.
Today, I know that they love me. I also know we have our differences, and that is okay. But this Sunday afternoon I started to think about them more, how much I want to reach out to them - not to share my accomplishments but to just BE, and tell them how much I cherish and love them. A few days later, I'd spoken to a few and with both I felt that I was like a faucet with my words - explaining my life away. I got off the phone and I'm like - what was THAT? I have many experience in recovery standing outside of myself but this one just shocked me. I realized it was a need for approval, a habit that my Healthy Voice hit me over the head with, "This no longer serves you. Be you." And so I woke up this morning realizing that I so want them to know me in my company...with no need for updates on progress in life. Just BEING. This has been hard for me...
And today, I got an email from my Dad about something that had the words, "I love you to eternity." The tears streamed down my face not just because it's my Dad, but because it was a reminder that It's time to let go of the approval. I have become so intimate and raw with people in my life but there are some people including members of my family, that I haven't let go there because I've often felt like I needed their approval first. What an OLD thought that was holding me back....Then I read these reflections....
From In the Rooms: How can we expect to feel fulfilled if we do not tell each other the truth about who we are and what we feel?...To create more fulfilling lives, we must speak to each other with more intimacy. The word intimacy is built on "into me see." If you want more intimacy in your life, let others see into you more, and let them know that you can see into them. Then, meaningful communication will not be resigned to a few scraps, but will nourish you like a rich banquet. Help me penetrate to the heart in my communications with others. I am intimately joined with my beloveds and with God.
Let us open our natures, throw wide the doors of our hearts and let in the sunshine of good will and kindness.
—O. S. Marden...You are capable of so much more than you know. Jump into life and enjoy finding out how very much higher you can soar. - Marston
What my Healthy Voice is essentially telling me is:
You've got this. Striving for approval, you know - doesn't serve you anymore. So let it go. Let those who you haven't let get to know you beyond your goals in life, know you for who you are today. Take it one day at a time, but the door is open now for you to heal...
Funny part is that I also got an email this morning that my meeting in July in LA is going to have to move to the East Coast...where my family is. God gives us what we need...
