The commitment to surrender...

In program we know that once we decide to surrender to God and admit that we are powerless over our addictions and our life has become unmanageable, we can begin to let go. Some days, some weeks, I struggle with this more than others because I also know that it's a process and it's not something that once we do it, we've got it. We have to work on our spiritual practice and surrender many times on the journey. It doesn't get any easier I think, it just feels better because every time we do it after we surrender the first time, we know that our HP is waiting for us to reach out. We've opened the door to let the light in already. We're open to his love.

I know that sticking to my food plan isn't the only thing I can do to stay in my recovery. I have to practice awareness and meditate. This weekend, I was at a retreat on the Jersey Shore with Milestones in Recovery and I got a refresher on my program. I knew that I needed to go, because I had let my rest and balance and spirituality veer a little of that middle road of recovery. I knew I needed to get back. The horrendously long trip home yesterday didn't matter to me because the trip was worth it. You know that poem Footprints? I had an incredible walk with God on the beach Sunday morning, meditating to music that kept bringing me towards him like Bob Schneider's, "God is my Friend" and "You Gotta Be". Often times we think we have to sit indian style in silence to meditate but I learned this weekend, that there are so many ways to do that and hearing those songs was me walking with God. The day before I was running listening to the theme song from a movie about marathons called, "Spirit of the Marathon" completely focused, and was meditating.

I say all this because I know that for my own recovery, my spirituality is a huge part of staying on that middle road and I'm glad to know I can do it in a lot of different ways, even just sitting here writing this, I'm present. I'm grateful for that awareness and the ability to resurrender because I don't want to go back to the fear that I was living in with my addictions. I'm also grateful for my family in recovery because they are a huge part of mine.