The Need for Approval

"Lighten up! Your Higher Self demands nothing of you. You do not have to prove yourself to God. You did not arrive now-here incomplete in any way. You do not have to strive to prove anything." - W. Dyer


Being thinner, smarter, prettier, wealthier do not make you more special. They do not make you more complete. You are complete in every way RIGHT now. I've learned in my recovery that this is incredibly true. Last night I was writing a blog to overweight kids and their parents reflecting on the premiere of the show "Huge" trying to share the same sentiment. You are not your weight...We often think we need to be certain way for our families to love us. For a long time, I thought I had to live my life exactly as they had planned for me. After being reminded of my overweight teen-dom in that show last night, I remembered how much I thought that my validity as a person depended on my weight. Losing weight was the way I strove for their approval.

Today, I know that they love me. I also know we have our differences, and that is okay. But this Sunday afternoon I started to think about them more, how much I want to reach out to them - not to share my accomplishments but to just BE, and tell them how much I cherish and love them. A few days later, I'd spoken to a few and with both I felt that I was like a faucet with my words - explaining my life away. I got off the phone and I'm like - what was THAT? I have many experience in recovery standing outside of myself but this one just shocked me. I realized it was a need for approval, a habit that my Healthy Voice hit me over the head with, "This no longer serves you. Be you." And so I woke up this morning realizing that I so want them to know me in my company...with no need for updates on progress in life. Just BEING. This has been hard for me...

And today, I got an email from my Dad about something that had the words, "I love you to eternity." The tears streamed down my face not just because it's my Dad, but because it was a reminder that It's time to let go of the approval. I have become so intimate and raw with people in my life but there are some people including members of my family, that I haven't let go there because I've often felt like I needed their approval first. What an OLD thought that was holding me back....Then I read these reflections....

From In the Rooms: How can we expect to feel fulfilled if we do not tell each other the truth about who we are and what we feel?...To create more fulfilling lives, we must speak to each other with more intimacy. The word intimacy is built on "into me see." If you want more intimacy in your life, let others see into you more, and let them know that you can see into them. Then, meaningful communication will not be resigned to a few scraps, but will nourish you like a rich banquet. Help me penetrate to the heart in my communications with others. I am intimately joined with my beloveds and with God.

Let us open our natures, throw wide the doors of our hearts and let in the sunshine of good will and kindness.
—O. S. Marden...You are capable of so much more than you know. Jump into life and enjoy finding out how very much higher you can soar. - Marston

What my Healthy Voice is essentially telling me is:
You've got this. Striving for approval, you know - doesn't serve you anymore. So let it go. Let those who you haven't let get to know you beyond your goals in life, know you for who you are today. Take it one day at a time, but the door is open now for you to heal...

Funny part is that I also got an email this morning that my meeting in July in LA is going to have to move to the East Coast...where my family is. God gives us what we need...

Embracing the Journey

When I woke up today to do my daily meditations, I heard these messages from different readings:

The only thing necessary is to give fully of what you have no matter how little...The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I'm willing to accept change and responsibility...the bittersweet feeling of making a sacrifice to do what is right...Keep it simple...What we each discover again and again, is that the solution to any problem becomes apparent when we stop searching for it...Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened..."My art and profession is to live." -- Montaigne...Even though you don't feel like it, do it anyway. Then see how great you will suddenly field.

I have a plaque on my wall by the window. It's a picture of a compass with an Emerson quote above it. It says: "Life is a journey, not a destination."
I've reminded my clients of this plaque this week. I've also had to remind myself of it's importance. It just shows you how God works in wonderful ways - how we are all in this journey together. Even though we may be at different points, we are all on the same one. I am blessed to lead people along a path to a better life. It is through my struggles that I can bring hope...

Often times, when we're given an opportunity to grow, we like the idea but we don't want to move forward with it. We're scared. Our unhealthy voice barks in our heads that it isn't a good idea. So we listen, and go back and forth in our heads until we just can't take it anymore. We get tired. We reach out for help, and find that walking through the open door gives us exactly what we need.

As humans, we're often scared of change because we're perfectionists. We're planning the outcome before we take the first step. We think we have to know where the finish line is so that we can make it to the end. But then we miss out on today, because we're too focused on what's down the road a few miles. The thing is - is that if we're focused on the outcome of the change, we're focused on the chaos of all the different scenarios that could occur in light of this change. I've been doing it myself with an opportunity that has come my way. I've figured out a million different scenarios of how it could all work out and finally last night after doing that for a week - I just confided in a friend and let it go. I needed that friend to help me walk me up to that door and REALIZE how great of an opportunity it is that I'm being given. It's one of the ways that I feel I've been called to serve on this earth and the door has opened for me to serve. How grateful am I?!

I am at peace this morning, because I woke up realizing I was listening too much to my Unhealthy Voice. My Healthy Voice awoke and has reminded me of this:

It is in the times when we don't know what's next, or we don't know the outcome that we struggle the most. But it is also in these times of transition that we find our greatest strength. We are like a caterpillar getting ready to burst open with wings into a butterfly. If we can just stick it out a little longer, and appreciate the moment we're in now as part of the process- we can rest in the fact that this growth spurt is going to bring great things. We just have to enjoy the journey.